Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
