doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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