someone threw a dead crab at me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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