I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
