what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
