I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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