gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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