My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
