just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
