she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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