i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
