this beer tastes like vomit already
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
