break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
