So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What a dumb baby whore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
