He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
