She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
