so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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