why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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