She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
