okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
and you fell through a lawn chair
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
