is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
