I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
