After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
