Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
