he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I believe in your delicious
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
