Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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