I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Randomize
