that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
