Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
