In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
