I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
