Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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