You just made me feel so damn special
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rumble strips road head = magical
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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