ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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