I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
