He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
