i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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