she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
