We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
