from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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