yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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