Swine flu. Run for my life!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
