i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
