perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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