I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I haven't been this sober since birth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
