Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
