R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
