i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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