As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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