My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
