I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
