i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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