I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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