he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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