So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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