4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
should my penis look like a turkey
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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