literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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