Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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