At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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