Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
