I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
