FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
