you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
