when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
