you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
