somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
