I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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