She is in my trunk
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize