Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
