It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
