She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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