I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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