This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize