last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
