I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
