I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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