i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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