I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
