Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think i have two assholes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
