I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
