he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
