i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
