I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
